When It's All Over

I tried, but it just wasn't for me.

I went in, at first, bitter from life, lost love, and pain. But over time, I softened. I gave it everything I could.

But now, I can't.

I won't.

I can't look at all the faces around me, entering their domain with a heart filled to the brim of disbelief and frustration with most of the followers I meet.

No, I don't feel like anyone owes me a damned thing. I'm entitled to nothing.

I planned, early on, to make my way up the rough road. But, I'm not too proud to turn away a helping hand.

Yet, I still can't wrap my head around this. This thing. This belief that so many people have lived and died for.

But outside of can't is want. I don't want to try anymore.

I'm not one to knock on death's door begging for forgiveness.

For what?

For living?

For surviving?

For loving and bearing children and being faithful and having a beautiful life unsullied by fear? Fear of stepping "out of line" or fucking up so royally, you cannot be forgiven.

Fuck that.

I'll be me and do what I feel is right, and sometimes do what I know is wrong.

Because I judge me.

When it's all over, I'll have lived well.

Isn't that what matters?

"I'll be me and do what I feel is right, and sometimes do what I know is wrong."—Sara Eatherton-Goff, 'When It's All Over'
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I'm Sara. Mompreneur of 3, wife to super-awesome Brian, business coach, infopreneur and printable product creator.